Lights, camera, action and the magic of Hollywood continuously and relentlessly celebrates violence and aggression in women. Movies, TV shows, and commercials, regularly feature buff, sweaty fist fighting superhero females of all ages. Those females not only defend themselves from bad guys but in many cases, they wear that “don’t mess with me†look and become the aggressor, initiating the conflicts, and relying on their extensive training in Martial Arts.
Unfortunately, these Super heroines provide the general public with the false notion that females can overpower and physically defeat much larger males just by taking a few classes. If real violence looked like it did in the movies, it would be very easy to spot it and walk away. What’s happening in a dark alley or a deserted parking lot and how it is dealt with in a movie scene has nothing to do with what’s about to go down in a real-life scenario. The truth is, attacks happen very suddenly and with more power than what the average person thinks. All of the fight choreography will not stop a bad thing from happening. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all about the physical aspect of martial arts. I am making most of my living from teaching fitness (I recently started teaching self defense). I am all about that adrenaline rush I get from playing with the boys in my classes. The old adage, “prevention is the best cure,†can very well be applied here, but in order to prevent an attack, you need to know and understand how predators think and work. Once you do, you will no longer qualify as a victim. In my opinion, there are three key elements that most self defense classes are missing and that should take place:
1. Education on predation and how and why the attack is happening. Understanding the psychology and the signs of violence will lead to avoidance and a quick response if necessary.
2. Education on de-escalation and learning how to verbally talk things down, before things get ugly.
3. Education of the local state laws on self defense.
Before stepping into a class, look for the real signs of why you want to participate. Was there any real life drama that moved you or led you there? In order to activate the fighter within you and train you to break the freeze, your instructor might decide to condition you for quick response through emotional trigger training. Building trust in order for that to happen takes time and you have to be willing to allow yourself to become extremely vulnerable in order to find out what “sets you off.†This is a very slippery slope because you might not like what you find out about yourself, and that alone can be very alarming.
To give you an example, in a recent private training that I did with Rory Miller, author of “Meditations on Violence,†I found out that being manhandled and pushed around is my glitch. I froze every time we performed the drill and couldn’t respond for the life of me. I gave it a lot of thought to discover why and that led me to remembering an unpleasant memory from my high school days. Rory also brought forth and uncovered my constant and insatiable need to prove that I’m the winner every time we performed a drill. I was really lucky to work with Rory and learn from him, but most male instructors do not understand female psychology. It’s been said that a woman’s biggest problem when it comes to learning self defense isn’t learning physical techniques, but rather dealing with verbal insults, threats, and taunts. The issue here is that most women believe that if they fight back verbally, it will lead to an escalation of the situation and bring physical violence (i.e. If I didn’t talk back and let the situation blow off, he wouldn’t have hit me.)
Any kind of martial arts training will enhance a woman’s self-confidence and bring out her warrior spirit. I believe that contact training works the best. It trains you how to hit and take the hit. However, most women are not comfortable with physical contact and that alone might stand in the way of practicing the physical part of the class. This can be resolved by the presence of a female assistant if the head instructor is male, until certain barriers are broken and trust is gained. The good news is that although society has labeled us as the “weaker sex†and we might lack certain physical strength, we can be very aggressive
if we get into a bad situation and decide to act. Men fight for dominance and power, yet women can create damage. My Greek ancestors proved this point in their myths! Greek mythology is full of antagonistic goddesses, evil queens, and even an entire nation of villainous women. Contrary to their portrayal in feminized popular culture, the Amazons were villains that several Greek superheroes (Achilles, Hercules, Theseus) had come to fight.
I hate to sound like “mommy dearest,†but always stay alert and keep your guard. Avoid clichés like taking the dark alley that cuts your journey home in half or fumble with your keys in a parking lot. The reason they exist is to remind us that bad things can happen to good people in “safe places.†When you are out with the gals, have fun with the occasional drink without getting to the point of passing out. When drunk, you have very poor judgment and no strength to fight back. If you are out with a date, keep a bit of a distance. Flirting and a bit of intimacy is fun, but don’t overdo it to the point that you might be giving the wrong signals or completely surrendering. I am nowhere near being a prude, but you can never be too sure about anyone and it’s better to be safe than sorry. An alarming 84% of women who have been date raped say that they knew their attacker.
OK, so all the above sounds cool but what does it mean? Simply that women have to be taught from the inside out. When it comes down to it, aggression and meanness are necessary to defend yourself, and this might not come easy to many women. Self defense classes should be approached in a way that challenge the moral issues of violence and why it’s happening in the first place. You can fool others but not yourself, and learning self-defense techniques could get you out of a potentially dangerous situation.
In case something does go down, to what extent would you take a situation to defend yourself? Would you be able to take a life if needed? Again, be honest with the answer. This is real life we are talking about and not an Angelina Jolie movie. You are going to have to justify and prove why you had to use lethal force, and although the physical wounds of a fight might heal, they will leave emotional scars that will last forever. Remember that the crime was not your fault and do not hesitate to ask for professional help, even if a long time has passed by. Self-defense is an invaluable skill that every woman should learn. Whether it’s to protect yourself from violence or just to become more self-aware, you will find that inside all of us women is a fierce, strong, superhero that is a force to be reckoned with.
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This article was featured in the December 2010 Issue of the My Mad Methods Magazine. "Safe City" was written by Angie Lee. You can purchase this issue by Clicking Here. |
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Angie Lee is the owner of Angie Lee Fit. Born in Athens Greece, Angie Lee’s passion for dance took her literally a long way from her home town to London UK, where she studied classical ballet, contemporary dance and musical theatre. Angie dedicates herself to developing signature workouts to help her students get maximum results. Find out more about Angie Lee. |
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